Coaching Confidence Guest Blog

Using softer success to reduce stress and prevent burnout at work Guest Blog by Cara De Lange

Emotional intelligence white copy 1140x772 - Using softer success to reduce stress and prevent burnout at work
Written by James Langton

Do you have a difficult boss?

I used to have one of those too.  He was demanding, moody and controlling. It caused me a lot of stress. But like many people I wasn’t aware at the time just how stressed he was making me.

Now I know how to deal with difficult people through my own Softer Success approach. Using powerful tools and learning to be more gentle with myself has completely changed my life. I’ve  become more powerful but in a ‘Softer more Gentle way’

But back to my ‘lovely boss.’  He liked me to get his coffee for him several times a day. Even when he’d only just walked past the coffee machine he would still drop by my desk and ask me to make him a coffee.  I became frustrated and annoyed as I didn’t feel appreciated for the actual work I did but only if I’d brought him a ‘good’ cup of coffee. Eventually I decided to try a different approach – but it took courage and some changes in how I handled stressful situations

One day my boss marched past the coffee machine, stopped at my desk and asked me for a coffee. I told him I was trying to finish the project he had handed me and gently suggested he may like to grab his own coffee. He was annoyed and marched off. He was grumpy for a while but when I finished the project and sent it over to him on time he was pleased.

The next time he asked me to get him a coffee I suggested he get his own coffee as after all the coffee machine was just around the corner. ‘Good exercise’ I said with a wink. Part of me was scared I would get shouted at but the other part was feeling a bit cheeky.  I practised positive affirmations every day to make me more confident and to turn off my inner critic. I was being more gentle with myself. I had managed to put my own needs first so that I would get time for a break instead of rushing back and forth with coffees or food.

It took a few times but one day I came in late after a doctor’s appointment and saw him at the coffee machine happily chatting to another colleague.

Slowly but surely I had managed to subtly ‘convince’ him that getting his own coffee was a great opportunity to chat to others and show he was part of the team.

Since then I’ve created Softer Success– a business that helps prevent people from burnout and stress using gentle tools and powerful techniques.

Softer Success is all about learning to be more gentle with yourself. By being more gentle with yourself and others you can change your mindset to prevent stress, overwhelm and burnout. You can become more powerful but in a Softer way and more successful by taking care of your own needs.

Want to learn more? Contact me: [email protected]


Cara de Lange is the founder of Softer Success– How to change your mindset to prevent burnout and learn to be more gentle with yourself.  She runs workshops and talks that focus on relieving stress, overwhelm and changing your mindset to prevent burnout. She shares powerful tools and tips on how to slow down, increase energy and become more resilient. Helping clients change their mindset to create a more harmonious, peaceful and productive life. Her book Softer SuccessHow to be more Gentle with Yourself– with tips to prevent burnout will be out in 2019.

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